Everything Pasta

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You know when you were a kid and you’d make “soup” in the backyard, which basically consisted of grass and weeds and shit in a bucket of water? You were just throwing everything in there, whatever you wanted. And you were probably hanging out with your imaginary friend Shadow because I guess your real friends were busy again (because you did have friends, for the record). This pasta is sort of like that soup. Made with fresh tomatoes, the homemade sauce will happily welcome your favorite veggies or meat. You can throw whatever you want in there… and hopefully have more than a Shadow to eat it with.

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Gordon Ramsay’s Scrambled Eggs

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HI, hey, look over here I have another breakfast recipe, straight from the kitchen of Gordon Ramsay. Well it’s actually from his Youtube channel. But I trust Gordon Ramsay. He’s a great cook and he makes these funny hand gestures when he explains things, like my mom. Hi, mom.

Now, most of you have had scrambled eggs… But I bet a lot of you have never had scrambled eggs like this. They are creamier, softer, and sexier than the scrambled eggs you grew up with. They are the scrambled eggs of the upper crust. They are the scrambled eggs that Queen Elizabeth would eat.

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Paolo’s Pasta

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This is my super fast, easy, shit-for-brains pasta recipe, known traditionally as  “Spaghetti Olio e Aglio” which I can’t pronounce – hence the new name. My friend Paolo made this for me years ago, and I’ve just been cooking this ever since. Paolo is really good at cooking Italian food (never figured out why) and would produce pasta recipes out of thin air. Then they’d disappear and we’d never eat them again! So I had to learn to make this myself.

Thankfully, it is stupidly easy, and absolutely delicious. It will give you a new outlook on spaghetti: it’s not just for marinara sauce and meatballs. All you need is five ingredients, and a friend.

…Because it serves two. You can still eat this if you have no friends!

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Cold Brew Coffee

IMG_7276_My first job was at a tiny cafe when I was sixteen. I worked there for two years making lattes and shit, way before I knew that being a barista was supposed to be “cool”. I got there at 6:30AM and would shoot the shit with a bunch of salty old men while I brewed their coffee. (One time we ran out of cream, so I gave them milk instead. I got a real tongue lashing for that one, Jesus Christ.) WELL it turns out that during my time as a coffee machine, I didn’t actually learn that much. There is a lot more to making coffee than I thought, and I’m still learning.

I’ve finally learned of the brewing method called the “cold brew”. So this is going to be a Cold Brew How-to. Apparently, cold brew coffee is not just “iced coffee” – it is literally coffee brewed with cold water. It’s an easy beverage to make ahead of time, it’s less acidic with a smoother flavour, and can keep up to two weeks in the fridge. You can just pour a cup before work, add cream, don’t add cream, some ice maybe, and it’s a super quick iced coffee to-go.

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