I made a post on Instagram recently that gained a bit of curious attention. I posted about going for a run and enjoying it. Now, most people who know me are aware of my true apathy toward sports. I understand that the idea of me going for a run seems surprising, but I would like to dispel the notion that I am completely unable to be athletic. I have actually made three athletic achievements in my lifetime. And two were for running, you bitches. Read on.
Finally she’s starting to catch on.
(READ ON FOR PHOTOS!)
Seriously, I did it.
My apartment had a little mouse problem a few months ago. For a time, there was a mouse I would see most early mornings in the kitchen. I’d be making coffee, and I’d look down and see this tiny gray head emerging from under the fridge.
Here’s a picture from the time I collected fourteen pairs (yes that’s fourteen pairs) of my mom’s reading glasses. She would kept losing them and buying more, so pretty soon they were stashed throughout the house. That was at least six years ago. Imagine how many she has now…
*My mom would probably want me to put a disclaimer here saying that she is not a crazy person who collects glasses. She is just a nice lady who likes to read!
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, who is the loveliest lady in my life. She constantly says things that are adorable, like the time she was pulled over, and upon being asked if she’d had anything to drink that night replied, “just milk!” She still loved me after getting a call letting her know that “Katie is pooping under the neighbour’s tree” when I was three. She tolerated the many times my sister and I trapped her in the bathroom until she said the one word she hates more than any word, ever (The C Word). She is patient and kind. And she’s going to be pissed about the picture I posted below.
Today while I was walking down the street, I passed a dude who jabbed his finger at me while yelling “fuck YOU,” and adding a hearty “FUCK YOU, TOO” to the rest of the people on the street.
I’m still not sure what caused his outburst – was he ill? Was he on my period?
“Have a good one!” I shouted over my shoulder.
At first I wasn’t sure what had upset him so. But later, I came to a conclusion: I think he had eaten a dark, dry and tasteless pumpkin pie. He was probably forced to buy one from the grocery store, over-spiced and overpriced. What “fuck you” really meant was, “fuck you for not sharing with all of us the pie recipe you have enjoyed for years. Fuck you for making us live this way.”
Street Meanie, this one’s for you.
Thanks mom and dad, for capturing these precious moments in my life. Who knows what was happening here (maybe it was the velvet shirt EW) but it was probably my sister’s fault…which is maybe why she laughs the hardest at this picture.
And I know what you’re thinking, that photo looks familiar, right? Well allow me to refresh your memory…
Here’s me enjoying a ride at the fall fair with my sister. age 6-ish. I was an adrenaline junkie.
That moment during breakfast when you’re bent over eating, and then your eggs become kind of stringy and then you realize it’s because you’re eating your own hair.
“Katie. Why don’t you just go to Jessica Seinfeld’s website? Jerry Seinfeld’s wife. She has a food blog AND a cookbook, and she is funny. Just send her a picture of yourself and say you admire her and MAYBE she will link you to her thousands of Instagram followers? THAT’S who you should be making connections with. People like that.”
What have I been waiting for? All I have to do is email the most famous people I can think of? DOY. Well fuck it, why don’t we just skip Jessica Seinfeld and go straight to Oprah??
Mom, you’re the cutest.