Usually for lunch at work I’ll have a granola bar, a banana, a sandwich with some kind of sugar-packed spread. I sit there in the lunch room with my feet propped up, viciously gnawing off a piece of the granola bar into my mouth (rock hard from the cold weather). I look down at the crumbs on my shirt and nod. My hair is frizzy, my eyeliner is smeared. I am an idiot.
But with my new lunch, I am Cool Girl.
“Do you know what biscotti is?” I asked my boyfriend lovingly, and with an appropriately serious tone.
“It’s that long hard cookie you dick into your coffee,” he responded, “I mean dunk.”
I used to hate biscotti, until, like, yesterday, because I didn’t understand it. HARD cookie? Sliced? Crunchy? Words? What was going on. But it turns out, biscotti is pretty good. And even though I’ve never tried the store-bought stuff, I’m sure (like anything else) homemade is better. And these really taste like oblong cinnamon buns.
So enjoy your dicking. I mean dunking.
Mom came to visit this weekend and brought in her little suitcase a box of lard, a bag of apples and a dash of family fun! Golly it was a time.
My mom has made this pie about two hundred times, so I decided to soak in an extra pastry tutorial with my camera while she did all the work. Plus, this pie is a hot prize. I don’t usually post recipes that I haven’t actually made myself, but she my mom. She can be my proxy.
SHE MY MOM
Here is little mushroom man to keep you company until my next post
I just wanna say that I really wrestled with the title for this recipe. I think I took the mature route by calling these what they are, but I wanted to call them what they look like. Protein turds. What is more catchy than that? I’m serious. You’re not going to forget a recipe with the word “turd” in it. You’re just not. And once you try them you will think “God that turd was good. Give me another turd.”
It’s just good to be original.
Now…. This is a more mature pancake recipe. It’s light, fresh, and fruity. The berries react luminously with the…refreshing citrus… It is best paired with a sparkling apple juice,.. Has….many levels of culinary delight….
I need audio to go with my recipes because I’m really afraid that you can’t hear my sarcastic drawl. Can you? Do I look like a culinary expert? I’m not. I am an eating expert though. If I earned a dollar for every time I ate for fun I’d have a lot of loonies.
These pancakes are delicate, spongey and not cake-y, which make a better stack (in my opinion). Thick pancakes are great but eating a stack of those will send you into a flapjack coma. I did that when I was like ten at a sleepover because my friend’s hospitable mom kept asking me if I’d like seconds, and I kept saying yes, until I’d eaten ten pancakes. I’m really proud of that. I love telling that story. TEN years old. Can you imagine!??? Amazing.
Went to the store and picked up this little guy. Good tip: looking for an easy recipe? Check out the website of the brand you just bought. Some of my best recipes are courtesy of Hershey. These bars are most commonly known as “Millionaire Shortbread” but I refer to them as “crack bars” or “homemade Twix”, or “YOU’VE ALREADY HAD LIKE TEN DON’T TOUCH THOSE”.
Let’s just dive right in you guys! I can’t wait. This is going to be the best recipe of our lives.
Hey buddy, just popped in to say hi. I’m still here, just busy baking things and forgetting to photograph them. I forget what else I was going to say here, because I’m imagining having a slow motion pie-eating contest by myself.