I made a post on Instagram recently that gained a bit of curious attention. I posted about going for a run and enjoying it. Now, most people who know me are aware of my true apathy toward sports. I understand that the idea of me going for a run seems surprising, but I would like to dispel the notion that I am completely unable to be athletic. I have actually made three athletic achievements in my lifetime. And two were for running, you bitches. Read on.
I had a cat for three days once.
It’s been a few years now and I still don’t like to talk about it, but I think that any person who has been on a bad date, or who has been on Tinder, will be able to relate. Let me explain…
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, who is the loveliest lady in my life. She constantly says things that are adorable, like the time she was pulled over, and upon being asked if she’d had anything to drink that night replied, “just milk!” She still loved me after getting a call letting her know that “Katie is pooping under the neighbour’s tree” when I was three. She tolerated the many times my sister and I trapped her in the bathroom until she said the one word she hates more than any word, ever (The C Word). She is patient and kind. And she’s going to be pissed about the picture I posted below.
I was lucky growing up to have a mom that baked. We never had store-bought cookies in our lunch – something I whined about as a kid. But I now appreciate what my mom was trying to do. She taught me the difference between pre-made and homemade. She kept me from becoming someone whose recipes include ingredients like “1 box Bisquick” or “instant brownie mix”. (If you’re reading this and feeling offended because you use instant shit, come see me. You can still be saved.) Thanks, mom.
She used to make these cookies all the time when I was a kid. Everyone loved them (obviously) and I am going to share them with you because I’m mama’s little sweetie and I would never deprive you.
There are few other cookie recipes I could give to you that are as simple as this. These cookies are super chewy, with crispy edges and a warm, buttery, coconut flavour. They’re so soft, you’ll want to bite into them in slow motion. (Or in fast motion, in that way you did when you were a kid and pretended your mouth was a chopping machine.)
I usually eat these plain, without topping, but I had a Hershey’s bar handy today. So I drizzled them with chocolate.
CHRISTMAS IS OVER AND I DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMOREEE
Just these cookies. I can already hear the guy in the background, flailing one arm in the air and yelling “HAAYYY. WE’VE ALRIDDY HAD CHOC-LIT CHUP CUCKIES.” But these are chocolate chunk cookies. With salt. And some extra TLC. I promise if you get on this salty cookie train with me, you’ll get off in chocolate town with a hop in your step and a crumb in your pocket.
“Do you know what biscotti is?” I asked my boyfriend lovingly, and with an appropriately serious tone.
“It’s that long hard cookie you dick into your coffee,” he responded, “I mean dunk.”
I used to hate biscotti, until, like, yesterday, because I didn’t understand it. HARD cookie? Sliced? Crunchy? Words? What was going on. But it turns out, biscotti is pretty good. And even though I’ve never tried the store-bought stuff, I’m sure (like anything else) homemade is better. And these really taste like oblong cinnamon buns.
So enjoy your dicking. I mean dunking.