I made a post on Instagram recently that gained a bit of curious attention. I posted about going for a run and enjoying it. Now, most people who know me are aware of my true apathy toward sports. I understand that the idea of me going for a run seems surprising, but I would like to dispel the notion that I am completely unable to be athletic. I have actually made three athletic achievements in my lifetime. And two were for running, you bitches. Read on.
I had a cat for three days once.
It’s been a few years now and I still don’t like to talk about it, but I think that any person who has been on a bad date, or who has been on Tinder, will be able to relate. Let me explain…
Part one: a recipe for a rich and dense chocolate custard you can make with just four ingredients, and a blender! An idiot could make this dessert. (And an idiot did!)
Part two: another prank on my mom.
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, who is the loveliest lady in my life. She constantly says things that are adorable, like the time she was pulled over, and upon being asked if she’d had anything to drink that night replied, “just milk!” She still loved me after getting a call letting her know that “Katie is pooping under the neighbour’s tree” when I was three. She tolerated the many times my sister and I trapped her in the bathroom until she said the one word she hates more than any word, ever (The C Word). She is patient and kind. And she’s going to be pissed about the picture I posted below.
You know when you are really cool and confident, and everything you want to say comes out smoothly? I don’t. I do know how it feels to sneeze and fart at the same time in public, or trip over my own toe…
Welcome to the easiest, most simple dessert you’ll ever make. A complete IDIOT could make this cake. Your dog could make this cake. That kid that picked their nose in elementary school while blank-faced staring out the window could make this cake (although nobody would want to eat it).
It is layers of chocolate cookies and whipped cream, refrigerated until the cookies soften into cake. It isn’t an overly sweet cake (the cookies taste similar to Oreos) and being a refrigerated dessert, it is very refreshing during this hot-as-shit weather. I made the cookies from scratch (from the recipe below) but if you really wanted to speed things up, you could use store-bought chocolate wafer cookies, which would make this a 2-ingredient recipe. They are just hard to find sometimes, and I have better things to do than wander around the cookie aisle (LOL jk).
WARNING: this cake must be refrigerated overnight at least! This is not a same-day recipe. SORRY!!!
Every time I go to the grocery store I walk past the display of two-bite brownies, giving them a once-over. They look good, they look like they are interested in me. Should I approach? What should I say? Wait, they are brownies.
In fact, they are a $4 bag of brownies. So I ask myself this question when analyzing treats: could I make this myself? If the answer is yes, I’ll probably try it. Because a) everything tastes better homemade, and b) it will save me money. I love saving money almost as much as I love eating..
IT’S ANOTHER MOM ORIGINAL. The most delectable, moist, and loving banana bread recipe you’ll ever use. It’s the type of muffin you use to break bread with your enemies, or whatever.
My mom is kind of pissed that I didn’t pack these with walnuts (like she did), but chocolate chips always take priority in my recipes. Also, she loves raisins. So she’s a little sweetie but I know that I can’t always trust her because one day she might just snap and sprinkle raisins into everything.
Banana bread muffins. But wait, isn’t that a little redundant? Couldn’t you just call them banana muffins? No. Because you should never forget that you have choices in this recipe. Bread or muffins. I am pro-choice.
Welp, Little Doogie’s gotta work early this week, and she doesn’t have time to cook a gat dang breakfast. And she doesn’t want to pay $5 for her favorite Love Crunch granola, either. So she made this granola from scratch. It is sweetened with pure maple syrup and coated with sexy dark chocolate, tossed with sea salt flakes, and dotted with extra chocolate chips.
Golden Grahams and Fruit Loops are taking a back seat this week.
There are few other cookie recipes I could give to you that are as simple as this. These cookies are super chewy, with crispy edges and a warm, buttery, coconut flavour. They’re so soft, you’ll want to bite into them in slow motion. (Or in fast motion, in that way you did when you were a kid and pretended your mouth was a chopping machine.)
I usually eat these plain, without topping, but I had a Hershey’s bar handy today. So I drizzled them with chocolate.