Welcome to the easiest, most simple dessert you’ll ever make. A complete IDIOT could make this cake. Your dog could make this cake. That kid that picked their nose in elementary school while blank-faced staring out the window could make this cake (although nobody would want to eat it).
It is layers of chocolate cookies and whipped cream, refrigerated until the cookies soften into cake. It isn’t an overly sweet cake (the cookies taste similar to Oreos) and being a refrigerated dessert, it is very refreshing during this hot-as-shit weather. I made the cookies from scratch (from the recipe below) but if you really wanted to speed things up, you could use store-bought chocolate wafer cookies, which would make this a 2-ingredient recipe. They are just hard to find sometimes, and I have better things to do than wander around the cookie aisle (LOL jk).
WARNING: this cake must be refrigerated overnight at least! This is not a same-day recipe. SORRY!!!
I’m the odd one out. I hate McDonald’s burgers, I don’t like their wraps, and their fries are squishy. I buy McDonald’s maybe once a year. But if their breakfast lasted all day, I would be the scraggly-haired woman in the corner table, slowly palming McGriddle after McGriddle into my mouth and making scarves out of the discarded wrappers. I love it.
So If you also like to sleep in and can’t make the 11AM McCutoff, or were banned from McDonald’s for making too many scarves, try making these yourself. It’s a really easy recipe without the mystery ingredients, and tastes pretty damn close to the real thing. Bonus: you don’t have to leave the house.
Every time I go to the grocery store I walk past the display of two-bite brownies, giving them a once-over. They look good, they look like they are interested in me. Should I approach? What should I say? Wait, they are brownies.
In fact, they are a $4 bag of brownies. So I ask myself this question when analyzing treats: could I make this myself? If the answer is yes, I’ll probably try it. Because a) everything tastes better homemade, and b) it will save me money. I love saving money almost as much as I love eating..
IT’S ANOTHER MOM ORIGINAL. The most delectable, moist, and loving banana bread recipe you’ll ever use. It’s the type of muffin you use to break bread with your enemies, or whatever.
My mom is kind of pissed that I didn’t pack these with walnuts (like she did), but chocolate chips always take priority in my recipes. Also, she loves raisins. So she’s a little sweetie but I know that I can’t always trust her because one day she might just snap and sprinkle raisins into everything.
Banana bread muffins. But wait, isn’t that a little redundant? Couldn’t you just call them banana muffins? No. Because you should never forget that you have choices in this recipe. Bread or muffins. I am pro-choice.
I was lucky growing up to have a mom that baked. We never had store-bought cookies in our lunch – something I whined about as a kid. But I now appreciate what my mom was trying to do. She taught me the difference between pre-made and homemade. She kept me from becoming someone whose recipes include ingredients like “1 box Bisquick” or “instant brownie mix”. (If you’re reading this and feeling offended because you use instant shit, come see me. You can still be saved.) Thanks, mom.
She used to make these cookies all the time when I was a kid. Everyone loved them (obviously) and I am going to share them with you because I’m mama’s little sweetie and I would never deprive you.
It’s like, getting hot out. So I thought I needed a cold drink or something. Ever since I bought these lavender florets, I have been thinking of ways to infuse it into everything. I even have a tiny sachet of lavender that I keep in my dresser and furiously rub all over whatever shirt I’m about to put on. So I took a chance with this recipe, and I really liked it. Lavender has a strong floral aroma but the amount used in this recipe only gives off a subtle, romantic flavour, with just enough honey to cradle the citrus. All righty?
And I want to thank all of you for reading my recipes, because without this blog I would be playing way too much Sims 4.
LET THE BEAT DROP.
This recipe is for adults only. Adults who can’t go camping because they have to work, or because they actually maybe don’t really want to go camping but they just want the s’mores OK?
These bars are kind of like s’mores without the bullshit graham cracker that resists breaking until the marshmallow and chocolate have been nearly squeezed out the other end. You know? I mean, I love you graham cracker, but play the game. You’re supposed to be like the bouncer that keeps marshmallow and chocolate in place. You got replaced by a softer, thicker security detail that actually does its job.
Bonus: these are gluten free, sugar free, dairy free, and vegan. JUST KIDDING. HAHAHA.
Flapper pie: a “Canadian prairie staple”. It is a vanilla custard (no bake) pie classically topped with meringue, but I think meringue is unappetizing, so I used whipped cream which just makes it all the more creamy. I first tried this in 2011 when my aunt casually whipped it out for dessert during a visit. As if it were no big deal that she was sitting on top of what would become one of my go-to pie recipes. I think I underestimated her because she’s sweet and lovely. It turns out she just plays her recipe cards close to her chest.
I love breakfast, because half of the menu is basically dessert. I almost never order anything savoury like eggs and bacon, especially if I know someone else is having waffles or pancakes. I like to avoid any kind of food regret or disappointment.
*WARNING: This post has one f-word in it. If you are easily offended, have an irrational fear of the letter F, or over the age of 50, please leave the room now.
Welp, Little Doogie’s gotta work early this week, and she doesn’t have time to cook a gat dang breakfast. And she doesn’t want to pay $5 for her favorite Love Crunch granola, either. So she made this granola from scratch. It is sweetened with pure maple syrup and coated with sexy dark chocolate, tossed with sea salt flakes, and dotted with extra chocolate chips.
Golden Grahams and Fruit Loops are taking a back seat this week.