How many pumpkin-themed recipes do you want? (WHERE MY BASIC BITCHES AT?)
This is my super fast, easy, shit-for-brains pasta recipe, known traditionally as “Spaghetti Olio e Aglio” which I can’t pronounce – hence the new name. My friend Paolo made this for me years ago, and I’ve just been cooking this ever since. Paolo is really good at cooking Italian food (never figured out why) and would produce pasta recipes out of thin air. Then they’d disappear and we’d never eat them again! So I had to learn to make this myself.
Thankfully, it is stupidly easy, and absolutely delicious. It will give you a new outlook on spaghetti: it’s not just for marinara sauce and meatballs. All you need is five ingredients, and a friend.
…Because it serves two. You can still eat this if you have no friends!
HI HELLO SORRY I’M LATE, MY CAR BROKE DOWN. I usually post recipes on Sundays, but I was out of town and didn’t make anything noteworthy until I got back last night. So please forgive me (and if you can’t forgive me then you must forgive yourself for being impatient).
I used to make these wraps every day during my first ever job at a cafe when I was sixteen. They were pretty popular, and the recipe for the Thai sauce in them is quick to make and keeps in the fridge for up to two weeks. It’s a little sweet with a good sesame flavour coming through, and you can control the heat with the amount of hot sauce you add. This wrap is usually made with sweet bell peppers, but I had a lot of tomatoes, so I used tomatoes. Use whatever you want!
You could use it as a spread or dip – maybe on chicken strips. Maybe on stricken chips. Chippen stricks?
I’m really tired. Make this fucking wrap. I love you all.
I worked hard for this cobbler. I slithered my arm through tangles of thorns, I balanced like a ballerina on the tip of my big toe to reach the juiciest blackberries at the top of the bush. I risked falling into a nest of prickles to bring you this recipe. But it was all worth it, because this is the best blackberry dessert I’ve ever had, and the only cobbler I’ll ever make. It’s very simple, easy, and you will burn your mouth rushing to eat it.
This is straight from my cookbook by Ree Drummond from The Pioneer Woman. Her recipes are sugar free, gluten free, fat free, and guilt free, just like mine. HAHA. Just kidding. The Pioneer Woman was the first food blog I ever read, and the one that inspired me to start my own. I realize that linking to her website is going to create an immediate comparison of our photos or recipes, but there is one thing I think I have on Ree Drummond. Since I’m not being paid by advertisers or any television network, I’m uncensored. I have my freedom. I can still say the F-word.
Usually I consume coffee like other people consume alcohol, sort of shot-by-shot (it’s actually unhealthy how fast I drink a hot cup of coffee). But once in a while I like to drink it slow like a distinguished old man, and during those times I like to have something to dunk in there. There are so many flavours of biscotti but I like to pick those that would compliment my coffee in case the cookie were to break off into my cup, which is why I settled on maple.
“Katie. Why don’t you just go to Jessica Seinfeld’s website? Jerry Seinfeld’s wife. She has a food blog AND a cookbook, and she is funny. Just send her a picture of yourself and say you admire her and MAYBE she will link you to her thousands of Instagram followers? THAT’S who you should be making connections with. People like that.”
What have I been waiting for? All I have to do is email the most famous people I can think of? DOY. Well fuck it, why don’t we just skip Jessica Seinfeld and go straight to Oprah??
Mom, you’re the cutest.
I like a cake that can be paired with tea. I am a tea girl. A sweetea, if you will. I have never been crazy about lemon-flavoured desserts, though; you won’t find me having any sort of lemon party here. But throwing a bunch of butter into the batter really balances the citrus in this recipe, and it’s even topped with a lemon-butter syrup that soaks right into the cake. And yeah, I’m still going to spread butter on every slice, because I’m a butterface. Wait – no.
Just try this recipe and check your teeth.
My first job was at a tiny cafe when I was sixteen. I worked there for two years making lattes and shit, way before I knew that being a barista was supposed to be “cool”. I got there at 6:30AM and would shoot the shit with a bunch of salty old men while I brewed their coffee. (One time we ran out of cream, so I gave them milk instead. I got a real tongue lashing for that one, Jesus Christ.) WELL it turns out that during my time as a coffee machine, I didn’t actually learn that much. There is a lot more to making coffee than I thought, and I’m still learning.
I’ve finally learned of the brewing method called the “cold brew”. So this is going to be a Cold Brew How-to. Apparently, cold brew coffee is not just “iced coffee” – it is literally coffee brewed with cold water. It’s an easy beverage to make ahead of time, it’s less acidic with a smoother flavour, and can keep up to two weeks in the fridge. You can just pour a cup before work, add cream, don’t add cream, some ice maybe, and it’s a super quick iced coffee to-go.
Lazy Daisy Cake! Ever heard of it? It is a light and fluffy vanilla cake topped with a buttery coconut frosting set under the broiler to caramelize. I really needed this cake this weekend after I woke up to make myself a Big Girl Breakfast complete with hash browns and back bacon, only to find that I had accidentally left the back bacon in my backpack overnight, making it worthless and inedible. I don’t like to waste food, and I especially don’t like to waste bacon. So I took a deep breath, and spiked the chunk of back bacon off the living room floor straight into the kitchen while screaming some blend of expletives.
I was watching Master Chef the other night, where during the “dreaded pressure test” (do they have to use that phrase every single time?) the contestants had to make croquembouche – a cone-shaped tower of cream puffs, held together by threads of caramel. I’m an arrogant asshole of a baker, and I was like, “lol yeah I could do that”.
..Well I didn’t do it. But I did make the cream puffs, and I plan to try croquembouche one day. And it is actually good to be an arrogant baker – it will help you to try new recipes without fear. I don’t always succeed at everything I bake, but I have nailed a few recipes on my first try. Not because I’m a particularly skilled baker, but because I assumed I could do it. (I told you, arrogant.)
So be an arrogant asshole in your kitchen. Be a dick. Because if you want to be a baker, eventually you’ll have to let go of Betty Crocker’s hand!