Chocolate Oatmeal Cream Pies

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I had a cat for three days once.

It’s been a few years now and I still don’t like to talk about it, but I think that any person who has been on a bad date, or who has been on Tinder, will be able to relate. Let me explain…

I had the same cat for about seventeen years of my life. He was the best cat on earth. So when I had to move away from home and live without him, I decided I’d get my own. I sourced one out on Craigslist that looked cute. It’s sort of like online dating. I browsed a bunch of cat profiles, and chose the one I was most drawn to.  But when I went to view the cat as scheduled, the owner wasn’t there. So, stung by rejection, I went on with my life.

A few days later the owner called to apologize for blowing me off, and asked if they could bring the cat by. I had assumed I was only viewing, but the owner (while unloading various cat treats and toys) quickly explained that they were no longer allowed to keep the cat, and had to get rid of it ASAP. I wasn’t sure what to do. I hadn’t had time to flirt with him at all, let alone go on a first date, and now I had to decide whether I was ready for us to move in together. I was faced with two choices: welcome this cat into my home or turn it out on the streets. So, caught off guard and desperate for love, I was soon left alone with a smoky gray cat…

Who looked nothing like his picture.

Ok, he didn’t look drastically different. But you know when you meet someone in person after talking online, and they just look a little “off”? (I know you know what I’m talking about.) He wasn’t as fluffy as his picture suggested. He smelled stale and dusty. He was hyper and running around my apartment getting into all my bidness. Yes, I know he was just getting used to the space–but it was like having your date over and watching him run around your bedroom to quickly poke everything within reach, and then squeeze himself under your bed and refuse to come out.

Night came and I tried to sleep with Cat. He smelled like a thrift store. Instead of sensing that it was bedtime, he continued the Poke Game, knocking over my thingies and annoying the bejesus out of me. After deciding this date was not going well, I locked him out of the bedroom–prompting him to scratch and cry at the door. I felt a weird sense of panic, even though I knew that without thumbs, murdering me would be difficult for Cat.

I spent three days enduring this until I finally gave in and realized there was simply no love connection. “Cat” went to another loving home where he could be properly appreciated, and as I gently forced his body into the cat carrier, I whispered “I’m Just Not That Into You…” 

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Here’s a quiz you can take to decide whether you’re going to love these cookies…

  1. Do you like oatmeal cookies?
  2. Do you like chocolate?
  3. Do you like buttercream frosting?
  4. Do you like Oreos?

If you answered yes to any of these, then you’ll love Chocolate Oatmeal Cream Pies. Crispy, chewy, chocolate oatmeal cookies surrounding a thick and creamy frosting–sort of like a giant Oreo. These cookies are the type that break apart slowly and sexily as you bend them in half, leaving little arms of frosting hanging over the edges. (Is that creepy?) They are definitely more substantial than your typical cookie, so don’t go eating five of these in one sitting. …Eat four.

 

Chocolate Oatmeal Cream Pies

Cookies:

  • 1/2 cup butter, at room temperature
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 1 teaspoon instant espresso (still tastes great without this if you don’t have any!)
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup rolled oats

Buttercream Filling:

  • 1/2 cup butter, at room temperature
  • 1 cup icing sugar
  • pinch of salt
  • 2 teaspoons whipping cream (or half-and-half)
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350°F.

For cookies:

Beat butter and sugars until pale and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla and mix until combined.

Sift together the dry ingredients. Mix into the wet ingredients on low speed until blended.

Add oats. DO NOT OVERMIX OR THERE WILL BE AN EARTHQUAKE. Just kidding (knock on wood) but don’t over mix the dough or you’ll have tough c0okies.

Tough cookie……..I get it now.

Drop dough by the teaspoon (or tablespoon, if you want bigger cookies) onto cookie sheet and bake 7 minutes–or 9 minutes for larger cookies.

Note: I have gotten into the habit of baking one “test cookie” first, to decide how my oven is going to behave and how crispy or soft I prefer the cookie. I’d definitely recommend this for cookie recipes in general!

For buttercream filling:

With an electric mixer, beat together butter and icing sugar on medium speed. Add salt, whipping cream and vanilla extract. Scrape the bowl as needed.

Spread about 1 teaspoon of filling onto one cookie, and gently press a second  cookie on top.

You fucking did it! You’re amazing. I keep telling people–baking isn’t that hard. What’s hard is living with yourself after you’ve been eating straight buttercream. Or even knowing what buttercream is. God, I miss not knowing. Ignorance is bliss. And so are these cookies.

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Knowing that people read my posts is the best treat of all–please leave a comment if you enjoyed reading, or let me know if you’ve tried the recipe!

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