Chocolate Log (AKA Icebox Cake)

IMG_6409_Welcome to the easiest, most simple dessert you’ll ever make. A complete IDIOT could make this cake. Your dog could make this cake. That kid that picked their nose in elementary school while blank-faced staring out the window could make this cake (although nobody would want to eat it).

It is layers of chocolate cookies and whipped cream, refrigerated until the cookies soften into cake. It isn’t an overly sweet cake (the cookies taste similar to Oreos) and being a refrigerated dessert, it is very refreshing during this hot-as-shit weather. I made the cookies from scratch (from the recipe below) but if you really wanted to speed things up, you could use store-bought chocolate wafer cookies, which would make this a 2-ingredient recipe. They are just hard to find sometimes, and I have better things to do than wander around the cookie aisle (LOL jk).

WARNING: this cake must be refrigerated overnight at least! This is not a same-day recipe. SORRY!!!

I just want to say that this cake was so good that I hoovered it faster than I could remember to take a Lactaid¬†pill, resulting in a night of painful bloating. But it was worth it because for that first hour, I was so happy. Is that what childbirth is like? You are willing to go through some painful shit because of what you’re gaining from it? I’ve heard a lot of moms say that during labour they think they never want to go through it again, but then they do because the reward is so huge. I feel like that about dairy.

(I plan to never have kids so food may be the only way for me to relate to childbirth). #insight #tongueincheek #hashtag

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 cup + 2 tablespoons white sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 3/4 sticks (14 tablespoons) butter, slightly softened
  • 3 tablespoons whole milk (I substituted cream which worked fine!)
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

(or 1 package chocolate wafer cookies)

  • 473 ml whipping cream (1 pint)

Method:

 

IMG_6261Combine flour, cocoa powder, sugar, salt and baking soda in a food processor and pulse until ingredients are combined. Cut butter into about 12 pieces, and add to bowl. Pulse multiple times until the mixture looks like sand.

*If using store-bought cookies, scroll down to the 4th photo to assemble your cake!
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In a small measuring cup, mix together milk and vanilla. With the food processor running, slowly pour in milk and run until the mixture starts to form large clumps around the bowl, and blades. Turn the dough out onto a large surface or cutting board, and knead to ensure the dough is properly combined (just basically make sure it’s not crumbly or falling apart – you need cohesive, pliable dough).

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Shape and roll the dough into a log about 14 inches long and 1 3/4 inches in diameter. Wrap the log in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour, or until firm (it needs to be strong enough to slice without being squashed by the pressure of the knife).
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line baking sheet(s) with parchment paper. Cut dough into slices about 1/4 inch thick. Position cookies 1 inch apart on baking sheet as they will spread as they bake. If your slices don’t look perfectly around, that’s ok. They will spread out in the oven to make a more rounded cookie.

Bake for 12 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through. These cookies will firm up as they cool and should be crisp and crunchy, not soft or chewy. We need dry wafers to soak up the whipped cream.

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Whip cream until soft peaks form, sweetening to taste (you can also add 1 teaspoon vanilla extract). Scoop about half the whipped cream into a piping bag (a spoon will work fine for this if you don’t have one). Pipe a dollar-sized amount of cream onto the wafer to “glue” it to the next cookie and press together gently to cover. Repeat until you have a row of 8, then move on to the next row. Repeat until you have made 4 rows of cookies. Cover completely with the remaining whipped cream, making sure to fill in every hole or crack (hehe).

*Remember, you will still need enough whipped cream to cover the cake. Don’t use too much! DO NOT FUCK THIS UP.

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This is what we’re looking for. Three pretty cookie rows, and one ugly back row. I tried to stack the cookies vertically instead of horizontally. Not a good idea, don’t do it. Refrigerate overnight to allow the cookies to soften.

IMG_6388_¬† BOOM. You’re done. I want to apologize to the rest of you that are impatient like me, because I hate reading the words “refrigerate overnight”. If you feel the same, just have a backup dessert to eat in the meantime. #LOGIC

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Recipe inspired by Smitten Kitchen

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