Chocolate Babka

 

IMG_1537There’s been a hole in my heart since that whole brioche debacle a few months back, and I decided that I had to try again. Because that’s what you do when you’re learning to bake! You try, fail, swear, kick scream and lose your mind, and then after a length recovery you try again.

So I came across this, how you say, “chocolate babka”. As I understand it, it is a sweet bread that Jewish people like to make. Apparently there’s a Christian version too. But I’m not here to give you a history lesson. This blog is supposed to be informal – that’s why the pictures are shoddy and the banner looks like crap. I don’t know anything about graphic design. I’m slowly learning, but I’ll tell you that while trying to create that banner I cried.

Anyway, I knew I had to give bread-baking another go. And I didn’t totally blow it this time. Well, you can be the judge of that. But remember this: when you bake something, nobody remembers what it looked like. They remember how it tasted. And you can learn from all my petty mistakes.

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Cinnamon Bun Biscotti

IMG_1447“Do you know what biscotti is?” I asked my boyfriend lovingly, and with an appropriately serious tone.

“It’s that long hard cookie you dick into your coffee,” he responded, “I mean dunk.”

I swooned.

I used to hate biscotti, until, like, yesterday, because I didn’t understand it. HARD cookie? Sliced? Crunchy? Words? What was going on. But it turns out, biscotti is pretty good. And even though I’ve never tried the store-bought stuff, I’m sure (like anything else) homemade is better. And these really taste like oblong cinnamon buns.

So enjoy your dicking. I mean dunking.

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Apple Pie

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Mom came to visit this weekend and brought in her little suitcase a box of lard, a bag of apples and a dash of family fun! Golly it was a time.

My mom has made this pie about two hundred times, so I decided to soak in an extra pastry tutorial with my camera while she did all the work. Plus, this pie is a hot prize. I don’t usually post recipes that I haven’t actually made myself, but she my mom. She can be my proxy.

SHE MY MOM

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Dark Chocolate Coconut Protein Bars

 

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I just wanna say that I really wrestled with the title for this recipe. I think I took the mature route by calling these what they are, but I wanted to call them what they look like. Protein turds. What is more catchy than that? I’m serious. You’re not going to forget a recipe with the word “turd” in it. You’re just not. And once you try them you will think “God that turd was good. Give me another turd.”

It’s just good to be original.

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Orange Pancakes with Berry Compote

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 Now…. This is a more mature pancake recipe. It’s light, fresh, and fruity. The berries react luminously with the…refreshing citrus… It is best paired with a sparkling apple juice,.. Has….many levels of culinary delight….

I need audio to go with my recipes because I’m really afraid that you can’t hear my sarcastic drawl. Can you? Do I look like a culinary expert? I’m not. I am an eating expert though. If I earned a dollar for every time I ate for fun I’d have a lot of loonies. 

These pancakes are delicate, spongey and not cake-y, which make a better stack (in my opinion). Thick pancakes are great but eating a stack of those will send you into a flapjack coma. I did that when I was like ten at a sleepover because my friend’s hospitable mom kept asking me if I’d like seconds, and I kept saying yes, until I’d eaten ten pancakes. I’m really proud of that. I love telling that story. TEN years old. Can you imagine!??? Amazing.

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Chocolate Caramel (Millionaire) Bars

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Went to the store and picked up this little guy. Good tip: looking for an easy recipe? Check out the website of the brand you just bought. Some of my best recipes are courtesy of Hershey. These bars are most commonly known as “Millionaire Shortbread” but I refer to them as “crack bars” or “homemade Twix”, or “YOU’VE ALREADY HAD LIKE TEN DON’T TOUCH THOSE”.

Let’s just dive right in you guys! I can’t wait. This is going to be the best recipe of our lives.

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Chocolate Pie

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Hey buddy, just popped in to say hi. I’m still here, just busy baking things and forgetting to photograph them. I forget what else I was going to say here, because I’m imagining having a slow motion pie-eating contest by myself.

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