Pots De Creme

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Part one: a recipe for a rich and dense chocolate custard you can make with just four ingredients, and a blender! An idiot could make this dessert. (And an idiot did!)

Part two: another prank on my mom.

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Chocolate Caramel Tarts (or bars!)

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Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, who is the loveliest lady in my life. She constantly says things that are adorable, like the time she was pulled over, and upon being asked if she’d had anything to drink that night replied, “just milk!” She still loved me after getting a call letting her know that “Katie is pooping under the neighbour’s tree” when I was three. She tolerated the many times my sister and I trapped her in the bathroom until she said the one word she hates more than any word, ever (The C Word). She is patient and kind. And she’s going to be pissed about the picture I posted below.

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Espresso Energy Balls

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Hiii. Due to the overwhelming (luke-warm) response on my Instagram page, I decided to make this my next post. You know when you’re at work and you just need a little snacky-poo? This is the snacky-poo you need. Creamy almond butter, rolled oats and ground flaxseed mixed with freshly ground espresso and chocolate chips, then rolled into bite-size balls that you can eat quickly and suspiciously because you’re not really supposed to be eating at work. And then somebody says, “What’s that?”

“It’s an energy ball!”

“What’s an energy ball?” 

“It’s like a, like, rolled oats and almond butter, and some chocolate, there’s some energy in there. It’s balls-it’s a ball. It tastes good. …..I have energy now!”

You too can have the energy, if you make these balls.

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Chocolate Log (AKA Icebox Cake)

IMG_6409_Welcome to the easiest, most simple dessert you’ll ever make. A complete IDIOT could make this cake. Your dog could make this cake. That kid that picked their nose in elementary school while blank-faced staring out the window could make this cake (although nobody would want to eat it).

It is layers of chocolate cookies and whipped cream, refrigerated until the cookies soften into cake. It isn’t an overly sweet cake (the cookies taste similar to Oreos) and being a refrigerated dessert, it is very refreshing during this hot-as-shit weather. I made the cookies from scratch (from the recipe below) but if you really wanted to speed things up, you could use store-bought chocolate wafer cookies, which would make this a 2-ingredient recipe. They are just hard to find sometimes, and I have better things to do than wander around the cookie aisle (LOL jk).

WARNING: this cake must be refrigerated overnight at least! This is not a same-day recipe. SORRY!!!

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Dark Chocolate Granola with Sea Salt

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Welp, Little Doogie’s gotta work early this week, and she doesn’t have time to cook a gat dang breakfast. And she doesn’t want to pay $5 for her favorite Love Crunch granola, either. So she made this granola from scratch. It is sweetened with pure maple syrup and coated with sexy dark chocolate, tossed with sea salt flakes, and dotted with extra chocolate chips.

Golden Grahams and Fruit Loops are taking a back seat this week.

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Easter Egg Cakes

IMG_3284In preparation for Easter, I am supplying you with a recipe that is cool as hell. I have been sitting on it for about 3-4 years, for no good reason. So here it is. The cool-hellest treat you’ll find. YES QUEEN.

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