Are you spending all of your money at Starbucks? Have you been reduced to rags, desperately chewing on old, used cellophane for sustenance? Well, if the drink you’re addicted to is the Caramel Apple Spice, I can help you make it at home.
Because the only thing keeping us all from true happiness is more sugar.
Boogie had a hankering for an apple cider this week, so she stopped at a *local cafe. However, they really dropped the ball on that one and didn’t have any. So I ran to Starbuckles in a panic.
*Obligatory mention of local establishment before admitting I went to a giant chain
I burst through the door head-first like a rhino, knocking over a baby, an old lady and a puppy in my path.
“APPLE CIDERRRRRRRR.” I cried to the cashier, pitched forward in desperation with hands slapped flat on the counter and mouth agape like Beaker the Muppet The words “caramel apple spice” trickled quietly down the chain of baristas until the end, where a jug of pure apple juice shot into the air like a canon.
“Would you like whipped cream on that?” Someone sang to me.
“NO ARE YOU INSANE I’LL SHIT MY BRAINS OUT,” I sang back.
I listened to the sound of the steamer, which sounded like a chorus of a thousand tiny men screaming. The baristas gathered in a huddle, fussing around one cup in the centre.
Then, in a puff of cinnamon smoke, they disappeared. What remained was my venti Caramel Apple Spice (No Whip). In a crowded cafe, I felt it was only me and my Caramel Spice. I cradled it in my hands, and took the first sip.
I know you’re expecting me to say that I floated up to Heaven carried by the pure delight I felt from this drink, but what actually happened was that I burned the shit out of my tongue.
Then I floated up to Heaven. The end. Let’s make this drink.
This amount of apple juice is for an individual drink, meaning I’m the only one drinking it to make myself feel special while I’m zoned in on Sims 4 recreating my boyfriend without his consent or knowledge. Multiply this recipe for as many people that would like to try it!
Caramel Apple Spiced Cider
Cinnamon Dolce Syrup
- 1/2 cup white sugar
- 1/4 cup brown sugar, packed
- 1 tablespoon flour
- 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 cup apple juice
- caramel sauce*
*Normally I prefer to make everything from scratch, but Torani makes a pretty good caramel sauce that I’m too lazy right now to make myself. (Don’t you appreciate my honesty??) If you’re interested in making it yourself, find the recipe that I use here.
To make the Cinnamon Dolce Syrup:
Mix together the sugars, flour and cinnamon in a small pot. Stir in water and bring to a low boil on medium heat. Gently boil for 2 minutes or until mixture thickens to a syrup consistency.
Remove from heat and allow to cool. Then stir in vanilla extract*.
*TIL that exposing vanilla extract to heat causes the alcohol to cook off, taking the vanilla flavour with it. I learned this the hard way.
Store in an airtight container or tiny adorable pitcher to add to your cider.
To make the Caramel Apple Spice (what we all came here for):
Add the cinnamon syrup to the apple juice–I find 1-2 teaspoons per cup works fine. Using the steamer attachment of your espresso machine, or over the stove, heat the apple juice until..it’s hot. (Do I need to give you a specific temperature?)
Drizzle the inside of your mug with caramel sauce. Pour in apple cider. Ditch the pumpkin spice bullshit and make this the new basic whatever.
Look how moody this apple cider is.