Paula Deen is a lot of things: racist, Southern, butter… But damnit, she makes great dessert. And if you like cheesecake (like me), but are too lazy to make it (like me), then these parfaits are the answer. You get the rich and creamy texture of a cheesecake with that tangy and sweet raspberry, but don’t have to bullshit with slicing anything. So no one can point at you and say “HAY SHE HAD THREE PIECES!!!” You’ll say, “No, I had one huge jar. Now shut up and eat your kale chips.”
The best part about this dessert is that it’s red and white, so you can make it for Canada Day and pass it off as patriotic! YAAAY!
The worst part about it is nothing. There is no bad part about it.
Here’s me at the Moss Street Market in Victoria, years before I moved here. (I think I was about fifteen?)
I still have that ring! And no I haven’t changed from this picture–I still put things up my nose.
Here’s a picture of my first meal at John’s Place here in Victoria back in 2013.
I ordered the Belgian waffle with cream cheese syrup. Their cream cheese syrup is fucked, and when I say fucked, I mean it’s very good. They were even on The Food Network’s You Gotta Eat Here (they appear around 8:45)!
Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. I LOVE going out for breakfast, and every single server I’ve met at John’s has been like a fun aunt who says yes to everything.
I had a cat for three days once.
It’s been a few years now and I still don’t like to talk about it, but I think that any person who has been on a bad date, or who has been on Tinder, will be able to relate. Let me explain…
You know when you were a kid and you’d make “soup” in the backyard, which basically consisted of grass and weeds and shit in a bucket of water? You were just throwing everything in there, whatever you wanted. And you were probably hanging out with your imaginary friend Shadow because I guess your real friends were busy again (because you did have friends, for the record). This pasta is sort of like that soup. Made with fresh tomatoes, the homemade sauce will happily welcome your favorite veggies or meat. You can throw whatever you want in there… and hopefully have more than a Shadow to eat it with.
(READ ON FOR PHOTOS!)
Seriously, I did it.
My apartment had a little mouse problem a few months ago. For a time, there was a mouse I would see most early mornings in the kitchen. I’d be making coffee, and I’d look down and see this tiny gray head emerging from under the fridge.
Part one: a recipe for a rich and dense chocolate custard you can make with just four ingredients, and a blender! An idiot could make this dessert. (And an idiot did!)
Part two: another prank on my mom.
Here’s a picture from the time I collected fourteen pairs (yes that’s fourteen pairs) of my mom’s reading glasses. She would kept losing them and buying more, so pretty soon they were stashed throughout the house. That was at least six years ago. Imagine how many she has now…
*My mom would probably want me to put a disclaimer here saying that she is not a crazy person who collects glasses. She is just a nice lady who likes to read!
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, who is the loveliest lady in my life. She constantly says things that are adorable, like the time she was pulled over, and upon being asked if she’d had anything to drink that night replied, “just milk!” She still loved me after getting a call letting her know that “Katie is pooping under the neighbour’s tree” when I was three. She tolerated the many times my sister and I trapped her in the bathroom until she said the one word she hates more than any word, ever (The C Word). She is patient and kind. And she’s going to be pissed about the picture I posted below.
Whenever a guest walks onto a talk show, they are laughing like someone told them a hilarious joke backstage right before coming out. What a cool job. Do they also have someone backstage on 20/20 to whisper something fucked up in your ear so you are appropriately solemn when you sit down with Diane Sawyer? Like “Ellen Degeneres pinches babies when no one is looking” or “Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah really are the same person“. I think I’d be good at that job.